It has been a very emotional rollercoaster....

I haven't blogged in ages because of what I may be dealing with. It is scarily possible that I have cancer. In fact until otherwise proven, I do have cancer. I have either Tongue or Thyroid Cancer and the pathology report will be revealed on my follow up appointment in two weeks. I have been seeing a specialist at the Moffitt Cancer Center for a few weeks now. I had surgery last Friday to remove the cyst on my neck and they did another biopsy on the mass that is on my tongue.

This is the first day that I have felt remotely like myself. The pain is subsiding although I do take my pain meds about every 8 hours instead of every 4. I have a hideous incision line that runs from the dip in my clavicle bone to the edge of my ear. No stitches. Just the medical glue and tape. The only thing that drives me crazy is that I have absolutely no feeling whatsoever from my left cheek down to the top of my left breast and my the top of my left shoulder. It is hard for me to judge just how far I can move my head from side to side without the fear of ripping open the incision.

I have come to terms with the term cancer and I have every intention of beating whatever it is that I have. The good thing about this whole mess is that it has probably been caught in the very beginning stages and it may infact be that once they removed the cyst that may have been the majority of the cancer itself. So... I will do my best to post regularly. I still get very tired and to sit at the desk for a long period of time makes my fatigue worse. For all of you that have been sending good thoughts, prayers etc... Thank you:)

If you have any questions... Are curious or whatever... just send me an email. mnetsrek@yahoo.com.

No news yet

I have had my PET Scan earlier this week and my biopsy was performed on October 1st. Both experiences have left me feeling numb for the most part because I am not quite sure what to expect next.
I am still very much fatigued and drained. I want to sleep every chance that I get. BUT I have denied myself that. I don't want to feel run down or unable to accomplish the most simplest task. I don't want my house to get all disarrayed just because of the fact that I am tired. I feel guilty that Chris goes out and works hard all day while I am at home doing absolutely nothing. I do try and keep up with kitchen being clean and making sure the dishes don't stack up in the kitchen sink and I do laundry but it is done in baby steps. I feel ashamed that just making dinner takes every ounce of energy that I have but I am too damn stubborn to just let someone else do it, even after they offer. I feel like if I give in to someone else helping than I might as well as not be alive. And I am terrified.

Kat emailed me today because she was concerned about me and I love her for that. Despite all that is going on in her life, she took the time to find out how I was. It is a blessing to me to know just how many people truly love and care about me. So many of you have reached out and I just want you all to know how much it is appreciated and welcomed.

I will do my best to blog more even when I absolutely do not feel like it. Who knows, this may be my therapy. This may be what I will need when the time comes.

Finding what was lost

Something wonderful has happened to my friend, Kat. Despite the numerous battles she has had to fight over the last several years and the little life annoyances that can throw you even deeper into despair she definitely had a silver lined cloud waiting for her.

Kat was placed into a foster home right from birth. She never knew her real mother and father. She always knew that she was adopted. So she didn't really know that she had siblings out there. All of them residing in Maine. In fact she went to high school with her full blooded sister and her sister knew but was told not to tell. Over twenty years later not only has Kat been reunited with her sister but has found out she also has two half brothers. They all share the same mother. This reunion would have never of taken place if the Today show did not run the story of the long lost brothers and sister yesterday. Check this out.
Now check this out!

I can't stress enough about the importance of allowing adopted children to be able to search for their families. I know that Kat would love to know more about her medical history but just knowing that you can have so much more than that is just the icing on top of the cake.

My husband and his best friend are both adopted. I know that both of them would love to know their siblings. Chris has three brothers and a sister out there somewhere and his best friend found out a little while ago that he also has a brother and a sister that he would love to find. That is so important to the both of them. However, most states do not have their adoption records readily accessible and what a shame! I think we need to revamp our adoption system and make a free registry to allow siblings to locate one another. Chris' siblings may not know how to find Chris because only two of them that we know of were put up for adoption and that was Chris and his brother David. The rest of the siblings stayed with their dad. They were also older.

I am so happy for Kat and her new found family. She deserves this and it couldn't have come at a better time for her!

Back to Square one

Ok.. test for the tumor at the base of the tongue came back negative BUT... the doctor doesn't think that the pathologist examined all the tissues... SO... I have a PET scan set up in two weeks and in between another biopsy will be performed but ...on the neck this time. Basically we are back to square one. DAMN IT!!!

The doctor is pretty sure that there is no infection going on at all because the antibiotics that he had me take have not reduce the swelling of the lump in my neck or the mass at the base of my tongue. At this point his thinking is still cancer and it is just a matter of finding it. It may be a good thing that he is being so persistent because it could only be at phase 1 which is a very good thing to treat. The higher the phase the more invasive the treatments would be and right now I am hoping for the less invasive. I will keep you guys posted as I receive information. Right now all I want to really do is take a nap.

Update

I am going to do my best to formulate into words what it is that I have been dealing with. Some of you may already know and for those of you that do not well... here is the simple and straight out story.

Last Tuesday I noticed a lump on my neck that was not there the night before. In fact, I didn't notice the lump until late in the day after having a brief coughing stint. I felt a little burning twinge and decided that it didn't feel right and went into the bathroom to take a look. I was taken back by the Quasimodo like lump on the left side of my neck. When Chris got home from work I immediately showed him and he proceeded to touch the lump and ask me questions as to whether it hurt or not. It didn't hurt. The only thing that hurt was my back/shoulder area which I contributed to tight muscles because of poor sleep or lack of sleep. Chris and I chalked the lump up to being part of the tight muscles and that it would go down on its own. I slept fine and the lump did not impede on me being comfortable. By the time I went to see a doctor on Thursday the lump had gotten a little bigger but still no pain. I hesitated seeing a doctor in the first place because Chris and I do not have insurance. With Chris just starting back to work our bills are just now getting caught up. So that was my mind frame up until now.

I was looking at $130.00 dollar office visit bill from the doctor. Chris told me not to worry about it and to just find out what it is. When the Dr. came in to perform his exam (which only took him about 5 minutes) he immediately told me to go to the ER. He didn't charge me anything either. By the time I got to the ER they were already aware that I was coming. The only thing I wasn't expecting was to have an EKG. My heart rate was sky high (my take was that I was extremely nervous) and I have never in my life seen doctors move as fast as they did. They moved fast but were very mindful that my daughter, Katie, was also in the room. I made arrangements with my mom to pick her up because Chris was at work and I couldn't reach him.

I did have blood taken, about 10 freaking tubes full, and a CAT scan. The doctor told me that they could see two masses. The lump on my neck and one at the base of my tongue. I was being admitted and I would see An ENT (Ears, nose and throat specialist) in the morning. When the ENT did come in to see me he stuck a camera down my nose and confirmed that there was a large mass that would he would need to biopsy. So on September 11th, 2009 at 3:10pm I had the biopsy. The doctor did tell Chris that he is sure by the appearance and the characteristics of the mass they took out that it is along the lines of the lymphoma family. My doctor stated that he would not have said cancer if he wasn't sure of the results. I believe he told me so that there would be no surprises when I do see him.

I am still coming to terms with it and haven't fully accepted it... Yes, I did cry but not in front of my kids. I have no idea how we are going to be able to afford all this medical crap! That is what mostly has me worried. Stupid, I know but I am still worrying!

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may.... That is what my family has done for the last couple of months. Believe me, we are holding on tight!!!

Whoever thinks that Illegal Immigrants can do no harm...

needs to have their heads examined! Chris was laid off in June. He applied for unemployment and when his determination paper came it stated that he also worked for two farms in the Miami/Dade county area. Immediately we were concerned. Chris called the unemployment office in Tallahassee and reported to them that he NEVER worked for the two farms and also told them that it would be impossible for him to work three jobs in 2008 because of the locations. We live in Sarasota. It would take Chris over five hours one way to drive to Miami. That would be one hell of a commute!



Apparently, it is not uncommon for wrong employers to be linked to your data, well, that is what the caseworker said. Until Chris had to attend a seminar at our local Jobs Etc location about finding assistance in job seeking, continuing education that is paid for by the foundation and other avenues to find employment. It is a requirement for anyone that has been laid off to continue with the unemployment benefit assistance. When Chris went to register into their system to be able to apply for jobs via online, he found out that he was already in the system!



A 24 year old Hispanic male is using Chris' identity to seek out jobs. The offenders job locations were the exact jobs that were listed on Chris' Unemployment Determination letter. The county in which this criminal resides is Miami/Dade area. See a pattern?



Chris called the Miami police department and they told him that without an address there was little they could do. I really can't say that we were surprised or shocked by this tidbit of information. He then called the unemployment office again to report this incident so that they could look into the matter. The only good thing so far is that this miscreant has not used the unemployment benefit to collect money. He has only been utilizing the Jobs ETC to look for work. Still, It is still Identity theft! Chris will now access his credit report and look for any discrepancies and he has to report this to our local Social Security office and have them look into the matter, then maybe he can get appropriate law enforcement involved. I am just wondering why he has to do all the leg work. I mean seriously, what the hell do we pay their salaries for if they don't do the work themselves?